obsession and passion

Yes, I didn't write anything for long, but it is because I didn't feel like blogging.
I was deep thinking for lot things lately, trying to find what is really happening with me. Actually I still keep clear understanding of things around me, just I don't feel them. I will keep my job for a while, but the problem is that I'm not happy. There is no passion anymore. I'm happy to work on with passion. Doesn't matter what. Sometime my colleagues and friends are telling me that I'm obsessive when I do something, yes it is true, but only because of passion. Now, no passion, no obsession, no good work. I'm not saying I don't do my job in good way, but it costs me much nore efforts when I'm not happy. I don't know when this will change and is not only about my job - passion is gone away of almost everything else. I feel the people different for the last few years or so and I am really not that guy I liked before. I'm missing some of my friends, some of the family and yeah the life is shit and I need to handle with it, I know and I'm handling it just fine. But just fine is not enough for me, I want my passion back and here comes the fear that I could do something that may interfere badly with my family. So last few months I'm thinking and thinking and still didn't find that "small rock that would turn the car over". Somehow I got obsessed by that way of thinking which seems is blocking my positive energy.
I cannot express myself well, huh? Maybe I'll finish this later or maybe not.

Recovering

Last week was very hard working week. I took a project, redesigning a network with around 300 users. Some of the points - active directory had to be troubleshooted, baselined and proposal for changes had to be made. While the project schedule was proposed duration of about a month (at least) there was misunderstanding on the customer side and we had to put 90% of the in last week. Well, while I keep myself very well organized in highly intensive work, it was very big challenge for me. I would never do such amount of work without any test period, but customer requested emergency work.
Ok, me and my colleague went on the place and started it. First we replaced and upgraded physical infrastructure for 2 days while we were preparing some of the servers with desired services. Then we took 2 additional days for installing server in public traffic space. Well, let say that we succeeded somehow for such short tine frame to establish the two separate DNS servers, ISA server, domain controller, exchange server, main router, remote switches, the backup router as well as to find and fix some errors made by customer during our work. I found out that project management is where we lack. We had strict path what to do, how to do, when to do it. Customer decide to join the work cycle and that was a big problem. Project should not be a time for teaching people what is ip address, what is firewall , what is nat etc. They have to know that. Anyway 4 days working for more than 15 hours everyday and 12 on the fifth, handling customer's interpersonal issues, dealing with people who are far far away from organizing their work, fuck off, dude. My entire project path was fucked up. Now I'm preparing some documents, according to the contract we signed with that customer, to resolve these issues and to put the project back in projected path, cause we are care about our work, we are proud of it and could not let any customer to fuck it out. Maybe some picture would be great to illustrate the picture of our working environment, but I don't think this is a good idea. Maybe next time.
I'm still recovering myself from this and seems that I will need much bigger vacation than I planned. We will see.

p.s.: Doesn't sound good, but I needed to let this out of me.

Sunday coffee

I was just waiting for a friend to chat a bit about the meaning of life :) and some general stuff. The weather was great and we had good chat although his dog was impatient to go away from us. We spent about 2 hours talking about meaningless things and little about work we have to do next week together. I felt very relaxing lately I don't have any time to do such talks with friend and not to hurry for someone or something. Tomorrow is going the same crazy working day for me as my colleagues are still on vacation and their projects has to be finished asap. Anyway I had good sunday and relaxed well.

Hot day

Today was the hottest day by now this summer. Some places got 41 degrees Celsius, in sofia we were lucky with temperature below 40. Seems tomorrow will be better with no more than 30 degrees Celsius for Sofia. We went for lunch inone of the malls here and I took picture of a car parked in place for 6 cars :). Usually in this mall you barely can find park place but summer is different since most of the people are on vacation. I was lucky I didn't have job to do for more than 30 minutes. Maybe this night I will have time to sleep for the nights I didn't have last week.
Finally decide what I will do after two months when I'm expecting our company to close the office in my country. So I will have two months to be prepared for that time. We will see.

Wtf

It is friday night and I'm still working. Some people never listen. I really hate to keep repeating one and same over and over again. Specially for last 6 months. Anyway, it seems that I will have break until tomorrow in 10 minutes.