I was deep thinking for lot things lately, trying to find what is really happening with me. Actually I still keep clear understanding of things around me, just I don't feel them. I will keep my job for a while, but the problem is that I'm not happy. There is no passion anymore. I'm happy to work on with passion. Doesn't matter what. Sometime my colleagues and friends are telling me that I'm obsessive when I do something, yes it is true, but only because of passion. Now, no passion, no obsession, no good work. I'm not saying I don't do my job in good way, but it costs me much nore efforts when I'm not happy. I don't know when this will change and is not only about my job - passion is gone away of almost everything else. I feel the people different for the last few years or so and I am really not that guy I liked before. I'm missing some of my friends, some of the family and yeah the life is shit and I need to handle with it, I know and I'm handling it just fine. But just fine is not enough for me, I want my passion back and here comes the fear that I could do something that may interfere badly with my family. So last few months I'm thinking and thinking and still didn't find that "small rock that would turn the car over". Somehow I got obsessed by that way of thinking which seems is blocking my positive energy.
I cannot express myself well, huh? Maybe I'll finish this later or maybe not.
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2 comments:
Hi! I missed you. I think that you still love your job, your place and your people, but you are missing a challenge, an adventure. About the adventure, I mean something a little bit risky, but still safe, something that requires some audacity. Generally the Life give us adventures and challenges by itself, but if not, then we have to create some (or else we die, being alive). So, probably your mission now is to create an adventure to yourself. (Have you gone to Himalaia already?...) I'm kidding now! ;) Well, maybe not! Only you know what make the adrenalin run for yourself.
Later you will be crazy to come back to your job and everything. Promise.
Hi Leila, I missed you too :) Hope you are right and no, I have never been on a trip to Himalaya, but I was thinking of China last month, nothing special, just some thoughts passed through my mind quickly. Usually I love what I do, but cannot get rid of that annoying feeling I have. I really would try to create some adventure and try to find some challenge, just need to be careful :) Need to reload myself somehow and will find a way, I hope.
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